


Forgetting Friday

by lathala



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blood and Injury, Death, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Guns, M/M, Time Loop, akaken nation this one's for you, this isn't as sad as it looks like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lathala/pseuds/lathala
Summary: Every Friday, Kenma has to watch Akaashi die for different reasons. And then they wake up the next day, still Friday, yet completely fine until they weren’t.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma
Kudos: 15





	Forgetting Friday

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 11 **

Kenma woke up in Akaashi’s arms the same day, the same time.

7:34 AM.

Three.

Two.

One.

The alarm blared at exactly 7:35 AM and Kenma was counting three seconds after he woke up. It was always the same thing: Kenma waking up, Kenma counting up to three for the alarm to go off, Akaashi waking up to groggily turn off the alarm while whispering _good morning_ and kissing Kenma’s forehead. It has been that way since Kenma can remember; stuck on the 16th of May, a Friday that lasts forever.

And today is not exactly any different. It’s still Friday, they were still stuck–Kenma waking up to find Akaashi’s arms wrapped around him, his warmth emanating through Kenma’s skin, on 7:34 AM–the only difference is the way Akaashi dies.

The first Friday was the worst and probably most traumatic because Kenma thought that Akaashi was gone for good. That was, until he woke up the next day–or should he say the same day, with Akaashi still there, alive and breathing, and sleeping soundly beside Kenma. He knew. He already knew that something was wrong. Was this the gods above giving them a second chance? But Kenma has never believed in gods and such.

However, if it was really the gods above doing this shit to the both of them, then why does it have to be Akaashi who dies every single day? Kenma couldn’t even think what Akaashi has ever done for him to deserve this. Did he kill a powerful god in his past life and they’re doing their vengeance in this lifetime? It’s not even Akaashi’s fault that he dies–not really, but even though he might look the most sensible, most rational, and most careful person Kenma has ever met–he still ends up dying.

Akaashi pushed himself off of the bed to turn the blaring alarm off. “Good morning.” He greeted, smiling brightly with his eyes half-closed lidded with sleep. He brushed the same strand of hair off Kenma’s face, then proceeding to kiss his forehead.

“Hmm, mornin’.” Kenma replied, not bothering to smile because he knew where this was heading.

“What’s wrong?” Akaashi asked, voice lacing with concern as he sat up properly on their bed.

“Nothing. Come on, let’s make breakfast.” Kenma stood up, leaving Akaashi on the bed as he marched towards the kitchen. He heard him muttering an uncertain _sure_.

Today is the 11th Friday therefore Kenma already had his fair share of absurd and dumb Akaashi deaths.

The 9th Friday was probably the stupidest.

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 9 **

It was 4 in the afternoon of May 16–again. Kenma and Akaashi were chilling out on the balcony, enjoying the view as the sun sets, leaving a trail of fiery red and orange hues across the sky. Akaashi was reading a book while Kenma was writing on his black leather bound notebook.

“Ken,” Akaashi suddenly spoke as he closed his book, then turning his head around to look at Kenma, who had his nose buried deep on his notebook. “Remember those jawbreaker candies I bought yesterday?”

 _No, I don’t_. Kenma wanted to reply. _Yesterdays have been the same as well as our todays_. Yet instead, he replied: “Why?”

“I want to eat one. And maybe try and bite one down?” He asked sheepishly.

“You know jawbreakers aren’t supposed to be bitten. You’re supposed to suck them, Ji.” Kenma answered, narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend. “And no, you’re not eating that candy. God forbid that might even cause your death today.”

Akaashi snorted at the mention of death, like he couldn’t believe Kenma would immediately think of that. “What do you mean? I’m not going to die, Ken. It’s just a candy.” Then he stood up, opening the front door, and then halfway inside he looked back. “I’ll come back safely, Ken. I always will.” He said before heading inside.

Kenma could only roll his eyes because sure Akaashi comes back, but until when? Until when will his deaths stop before he is truly gone for good? How many deaths does he have to witness before he loses his mind? And in that moment, Kenma was thinking, what would it be this time?

He was waiting for a scream or even a cry for help, but heard nothing. Leaving the notebook on top of the round table, Kenma went inside their apartment. It was quiet and Kenma had grown suspicious.

“Ji?” Kenma called out. After a couple of seconds later, with no response, Kenma was sure that something must have happened to his boyfriend. He walked to their kitchen in no particular rush; he was already used to his boyfriend dying anyway. Harsh as it may sound, but this was his 9th Friday and Kenma was certain Akaashi was going to die today too. He just wished it wasn’t a bloody death unlike the 6th. Once he stepped foot in their kitchen, he heard choking noises.

 _Dumbass, did he fucking choke on a candy?_ Kenma thought as he saw Akaashi lying down on the terracotta tiles of the kitchen with a bag of jawbreaker candies beside his choking form. He walked leisurely towards him and knelt down, perching his head that had started bluing a bit on his lap.

“What have you done, Ji?” Kenma asked, brushing away the strands of his messy black hair away from his face. He looked up at him, a panicked expression present in his blue eyes. Kenma suddenly felt bad for acting so calm about this. _He thinks he’s about to die._ Kenma thought, his eyes scanning the entirety of Akaashi’s face. _At least show some concern._ The voice inside his head nagged at him.

“The candy…” He coughed. “slipped…” Then it was gagging noises that followed. Kenma’s mind was racing as he tried to decipher what his boyfriend meant.

“Are you telling me that the candy slipped inside your throat?” Kenma had hesitatingly asked.

Akaashi nodded frantically, still gasping for air. Kenma’s heart was squeezing inside his chest, if it wasn’t for him dying for the nth time, he would have laughed at how dumb his boyfriend was. But one look at his blue eyes, and Kenma knew he was scared. No, he was terrified and it was killing Kenma to witness this look on his face again and again.

“Ji, I’m sorry. But, it’s going to be alright first thing tomorrow morning.” He squeezed his hand, trying his very best to comfort him. “I promise, okay?”

He choked out an _okay_ and then he squeezed Kenma’s hand tighter.

“I love you.” Kenma muttered, kissing Akaashi’s forehead. Slowly, Akaashi’s grip on his hand loosens until his hand fell on his stomach. Unmoving. “See you tomorrow morning, Ji.”

Kenma stood up, going back to the balcony to fetch his notebook. He opened it and scribbled:

**Friday no. 9**

**Cause of death: jawbreaker candy**

“I love you.” Kenma whispered to the air as the sky turned into pitch black. And suddenly, everything was spinning and before he knew it, he was in bed.

And it was May 16, 2021 all over again, for the 10th time.

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 11 **

Kenma was about to take two mugs from the cupboards, but he halted his movements once he heard a heavy and labored breathing coming from their bedroom. Alarmed, Kenma walked back to the bedroom, immediately grabbing the black notebook on his way. _It wasn’t even 8 in the morning yet and I’m already losing you once again_. Kenma thought exasperatingly.

When he arrived at their bedroom, he saw Akaashi writhing in bed, having an asthma attack.

“Ji, what the fuck.” Kenma almost screeched. How could Akaashi even have asthma when he’s the healthiest person Kenma could ever think of? At his age, Akaashi hasn’t tried smoking, he occasionally drinks, but he stops at 2 full shots, and he hasn’t even gotten high yet. Then, why the fuck was he having an asthma attack?

Kenma rushed to his side while hastily writing on the notebook:

**Friday no. 11**

**Cause of death: asthma attack**

Once he tucked the notebook out of the way, he held Akaashi’s shaking body close to his. “What have we done to deserve this?” He asked, tears getting blurry from the tears welling up in his eyes. “I love you so much but I can’t stand looking at you dying every single day, Ji. And not being able to do anything to save you from this.”

“I–I die e–everyday?” Akaashi asked, breathlessly, his sudden asthma that was never there before was taking over his body. “Wh–what do y–you me–mean?”

And as usual, whenever he asks about the time loop, he ignores him. Instead, Kenma stared at their white ceiling; his eyebrows drew together in frustration. “Why?” He gritted his teeth when he asked. The question was directed to the gods above. “I don’t know what he did, what I did, or what the fuck we did for you to hate us this much. I’m sorry, okay? We’re sorry. But, why him? Why not me?”

Feeling drained early in the morning, he lay beside Akaashi and closed his eyes. _Get this over with_. He felt his boyfriend go still and the world spun. He felt sick for a second, and then he was falling.

Then it was all over.

Well, until they both woke up the same day–again.

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 12 **

The night air was chilly, but the sky was filled with glimmering stars. They were on top of a secluded hill because Akaashi thought it would be romantic to stargaze and Kenma has always been compliant to Akaashi’s plans ever since. How could he even say no? If Akaashi will die at any given time for every single day, it would be better to have Kenma spend the same day over and over again with new memories that he would probably hold on for as long as time would allow him.

When Kenma glanced at the numbers on his phone’s lock screen, the clock ticked at exactly 8:00 PM.

The positive side of him was internally screaming with excitement. _This is it_. He thought. Once midnight strikes, Akaashi might be free to go and he will no longer die. They would spend the rest of our lives with this time loop buried at the back of Kenma’s mind like some bad dream, and they will move on. They will live happily.

Sadly, the negative, more realistic side of him was yelling louder than the other. _Don’t delude yourself, Kenma._ _He’s still going to die tonight_. But, it was easier to breathe when he hoped for something optimistic such as Akaashi living and their days move forward. Kenma wished his problem right now was levelling up the games on his phone and not figuring out how to protect his boyfriend from his impending death.

“Ken,” Akaashi nudged his shoulder with his to get his attention. Kenma hummed, his head turning to face his boyfriend. “See that star over there?” He pointed something at the sky to which Kenma’s gaze followed.

“Yeah, why?”

“Once I die, I’m going to be a star in the sky.” Kenma had to suppress himself from letting out a choked out noise. “So, you know I can always look down on Earth and protect you. Or guide you.”

_If you only knew, Keiji. I’ve been trying to protect you._

“You’re so sappy.” Kenma had tried to joke to keep himself at bay. “But, thank you, Ji.”

“However, you need a different protection right now.” He chuckled, getting down from the hood of his car. Kenma stared at him, confusion plastered on his face. “You’re probably getting cold. I’ll just get our blankets at the back.”

Kenma nodded. Akaashi made his way to the back of the car while he went back to observe the stars. Are the gods hiding behind these thousand and endless of stars, peering down at them? Should Kenma be foolish and wish upon a star to get them out of this stupid time loop? _No, that’s stupid._ He first thought, but something inside him grew desperate.

And so, he pressed both of his palms together in a prayer form, then he closed his eyes. _Please. Let him live._

But maybe the star he wished upon was where the gods were hiding. And it mocked him. Surely they did because when he opened his eyes, he suddenly heard a loud gunshot coming from the back of the car.

“Keiji!” Kenma shrieked as he rushed to the back. And there he was, clutching his side while he was trying to grip on something to keep himself steady. “W–what happened?”

He tried to reply, but only blood came out of his mouth. Kenma began to get scared even though he should already be used to Akaashi dying. Just when he was about ask him again, Kenma noticed the blood soaked shirt and that was when it clicked.

Akaashi was shot.

Kenma was seeing red. Not just because of the blood, but because he was seething with anger. With heavy steps, he came closer to Akaashi, helping him to sit down on the grass. He scanned around the silent clearing; the only sounds were the chirping of the crickets and the howling of an evening breeze.

“What the actual fuck?!” He screamed. Then he heard the bushes at the side rustling and there were footsteps. A muscular guy appeared with a rifle on his hand and a frightened look etched on his face. “You fucking shot my boyfriend!”

“I–I’m sorry…” He stammered. “I was trying to aim at a deer, but it ran faster than bullet.”

“So, are you fucking blaming my boyfriend for your stupidity?” Kenma yelled, his entire system was convulsing with rage. He was losing control. This was Akaashi’s fist death that was not an accident, and now it felt more painful, more traumatizing. He finally had someone he can direct his anger at.

“I’m…sorry. I r–really…am sorry.” He faltered, gripping his rifle tightly. He looked horrified, but Kenma could hardly give a flying fuck about him.

“Will your sorry be able to revive my boyfriend?” Kenma bellowed and the other guy just blinked dumbly, shaking his head slowly. “Just fucking leave.”

“I’m re–” Kenma didn’t even let him finish his hollow apology.

“I said _leave_!” And the guy started backing up, his eyes telling his story of guilt. Then he was gone.

Kenma faced Akaashi who was spluttering blood everywhere, and the fury he felt earlier immediately dissipated. It was replaced with worry, fear, and hurt.

“Ken,” Akaashi whispered and Kenma could feel the long wound across his heart, opening again. It keeps opening whenever he watches Akaashi die in his arms and he never bothered stitching it up. It would be pointless to even try.

“I can’t do this anymore, Ji.” Kenma sobbed as his tears started falling from his eyes. Even though his hand was starting to grow lifeless, he tried reaching out to cup Kenma’s cheek to wipe the tears away. “It hurts.”

“It’s unfair how you’re still beautiful when you cry.” Akaashi breathed out. His hand went limp and fell down, although he was still trying to breathe; he was still fighting. “Don’t worry. I’ll become a star, remember?”

Kenma didn’t bother mentioning about the time loop. It wasn’t the time for that, and he has no idea when will be the right time for him to tell about all of these. He was starting to feel scared that maybe he has been running in circles, deluding himself that they have more time, more time, just a little bit more.

But seeing Akaashi coughing out blood, as gore as it may be, he still looked majestic as the first time he took Kenma’s breath away. Still, it made Kenma think that they were running on a borrowed time and he has to find a way to stop this time loop before everything is too late.

“Stop fighting it, Ji. We’ll wake up tomorrow like nothing happened, okay? I promise you that.” Kenma muttered, keeping his voice firm but it cracked at the end. “I love you.” 

Kenma heard him when his last breath came into a full stop. With trembling fingers he reached out for the black notebook. His handwriting on the other entries was different to this one–this one’s smudged with tears and a bit of blood. It was illegible because his hand was shaking from tiredness, from pain.

**Friday no. 12**

**Cause of death: shot by a dumbfuck**

Afterwards, he lay down next to Akaashi, looking up at the starry night sky. Just as the world started spinning and Kenma had to close his eyes to prevent himself from feeling sick, he saw a star twinkle, its brightness incomparable than the others.

Kenma definitely knew.

It was Akaashi.

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 13 **

Three.

Two.

One.

The alarm rang and the usual, Akaashi was going to turn it off but to Kenma’s surprise, he didn’t. Instead, he heard a loud scream and he was about to laugh at him when he fell out of the bed. Kenma was expecting a groan, but what greeted him was silence–long and eerie.

He peered over the edge of the bed and saw Akaashi lying on their bedroom floor, unmoving. There was a pool of blood around his head.

Hurriedly, before Kenma get sucked back into the 14th Friday, he reached for the black notebook tucked under his pillow and wrote:

**Friday no. 13**

**Cause of death: hit his head on the bedside table**

**Note: secure him before the alarm to avoid this**

And before he knew it, it was the 14th.

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 14 **

“Ji, watch out!” Kenma shouted, pointing at the huge and unsturdy bookshelf that was about to fall onto Akaashi.

However, it was too late.

**Friday no. 14**

**Cause of death: bookshelf**

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 15 **

That morning when they woke up, the sun was scorching hot.

Their clothes stuck on their sweaty bodies and even the coolness of their air conditioner did not help to alleviate the heat. Which was why they found themselves swimming in a lake miles away from their apartment.

“This feels good.” Akaashi beamed, letting himself stay afloat on the water. Kenma just watched his boyfriend basking in the coldness of the water, a contented smile plastered on his lips. _Beautiful_. Kenma thought. _He really looked beautiful like this–happy and alive._ It was just sad that the gods above hated him–or them, he wasn’t sure. He hasn’t been certain these past few days.

“Ken, you think I could jump off that cliff safely?” Akaashi asked, pointing at the cliff on the far right. Kenma instantly thought _no_ , but he indulged his boyfriend.

“You’re scared of heights, Ji.”

Akaashi laughed and it was so contagious that Kenma couldn’t help but giggle. “I’ll try. Be right back.” Kenma had been so gullible to believe that Akaashi would truly be back.

At the edge of the cliff, Akaashi was standing there; his skin glistening underneath the rays of the sun like he was the son of Apollo. Kenma swam closer to the cliff, staring up at his boyfriend who was smiling, laughing even. Yet, Kenma knew that he was scared being up there all alone.

“Go for it, Ji!” Kenma shouted, putting a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun’s glare.

“Okay!” Akaashi shouted back. He walked backwards, just a little bit far away from the edge before he ran forward, and then he was in the air. Kenma could only stare in adoration for his boyfriend, and maybe anticipation because deep down he knew something wrong was about to happen.

And his instinct was right.

When Akaashi jumped off the cliff and submerged into the water, he never came up for air. Kenma waited for a second, then a few more minutes, and then nothing. He waited for Akaashi to grab his feet underwater and he would scream in horror, kicking his feet while Akaashi would reappear, laughing at his boyfriend’s reaction.

But, he got nothing.

Kenma almost forgot that Akaashi was supposed to die.

**Friday no. 15**

**Cause of death: drowning**

☆

** May 16, 2021 – Friday no. 16 **

They were in a fancy restaurant because Kenma was too lazy to cook them dinner and Akaashi wanted to spoil his boyfriend. That was how they ended up eating in one of the round table covered with pristine white clothing of a five-star restaurant at the other side of the town. The ceiling was high, decorated with crystal-like light bulbs that lit up the entire place. The walls were painted in cream colored with golden French Rococo style figural Cherub Angel pedestal plant stand on each side, and a plant on top of it. On the stage was a band playing classical music that fit the ambiance of the restaurant.

Everything was going well for this night and it scared Kenma.

It scared him because he did not want this to end on a bad note. If he could repeat the same day over and over again with Akaashi by his side, then he would be okay. But no, Akaashi has to die every single time. The internet was no help and so were the books he read. Kenma was getting too impatient, too worn out figuring out how to stop this.

Spiraling into his own thoughts, he started listing down the possibilities of how Akaashi would die tonight. Will he die due to food poisoning? Will he die due to allergic reactions? What will be the worst possible scenario?

Kenma was snapped out of his reverie when Akaashi waved his hand in front of him. “Is everything okay?”

His voice was full of concern and love–it was taking all of Kenma’s self-control not to stand up and engulf his boyfriend with a hug. _God, I’m willing to die for him._ “Yeah, good.”

Akaashi raised his eyebrow, “I asked if everything was _okay_ , not good.”

Kenma rolled his eyes, “are you trying to outsmart me?”

He gave him a challenging smile with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “There’s no need. I know I’m smarter than you.”

Kenma scoffed. “You suck at every video game I introduced you to.”

Akaashi was about to rebut when a guy in a tuxedo stood up abruptly, his chair creating a screeching sound as it scraped the floor. He was angry at the waiter, who apparently spilled a bottle of wine on his expensive clothes. Everybody was looking at the scene unfold, some were murmuring, some were taking out their phones to record the incident, but none of them were trying to ease the man and help the poor waiter out.

 _Rich people_. Kenma scrunched his nose in distaste.

However, Kenma should have known better. Akaashi is the type of person who cares deeply about other people, be it he knows them or not, despite his stoic expression most of the time. He is one of the most warmhearted and most understanding person Kenma has ever met, and how he knows how to placate him whenever they were about to fight. But, this–this wasn’t the kind of fight Akaashi knew how to pacify.

“Excuse me, sir.” Akaashi spoke, slowly walking towards the commotion as Kenma trailed behind him. “I think the manager would gladly assist you if you have any problems. Let’s not resort to harassing this young man.”

The man scoffed, feeling humiliated by Akaashi’s words. “Harass? I wasn’t harassing him; I was teaching him a lesson.”

“There’s a fine line between educating him and belittling him. And clearly, you’re doing the latter.” Akaashi said, his tone calm and composed but Kenma knew him well enough to see between the cracks that his boyfriend was kind of intimidated. Out of instinct, Kenma grabbed Akaashi’s hand, intertwining their fingers together.

Annoyed, the man let out a heavy sigh and it was as if his entire aura shifted. He took something out of the pocket of his slacks: a revolver. Kenma should really have known better than to pick a fight with rich and entitled people. While Akaashi’s courage seemed to die down little by little. His grip on Kenma’s hand tightens–he was scared. However, Kenma wasn’t.

Because, every Friday, Kenma has to watch Akaashi die for different reasons, and this one wasn’t any different from any Fridays he kept reliving. And he knows that they would wake up the next day, and it would still be Friday–completely fine and unscathed.

The man was caressing the gun on his hand with his pointer finger, smiling wickedly. Then, he pointed the gun at Akaashi. Everyone started panicking, frantically crying, and losing their minds. The man, utterly pissed off at the noise, yelled: “Everybody arms up and don’t you dare fucking move!” Everyone complied, even Akaashi. Well, everyone except Kenma.

“Hey, I fucking said arms up. Are you stupid?” The man fumed, pointing his gun at Kenma now.

“You don’t talk to my boyfriend like that, sir.” Akaashi snarled, putting his hands on Kenma’s as he hid him behind him. Yet, the man was not having any of it. He pointed the gun back at Akaashi.

“You were in my business, so now I’m in yours, kid.” The man had snarled back, his smile was nowhere near attractive–more like sinister if you ask Kenma. “I said hands up or I’ll shoot your boyfriend’s head off.”

Akaashi hesitated for a moment before he put his arms up in surrender. He then pointed the gun back at Kenma again. “You too, kid. Hands up or I’ll shoot your nosey boyfriend.”

Stupid and gullible Kenma had his golden eyes stare at the man, viciously. He moved away from Akaashi’s body which was supposed to shield him. “Go ahead. Shoot. I know you’re too much of a coward to actually do it.”

To say that the man was perplexed was an understatement. He was probably not expecting Kenma to say that since his hand began to waver and the menacing façade he had earlier faltered for a second. Although, he recovered fast and he placed the gun’s muzzle on Kenma’s forehead. He could hear Akaashi’s breath hitched.

“Since you don’t care about your boyfriend, how about I’ll just shoot you instead?”

Kenma just gave him a look that said: _Come on. Shoot._

Stupid and gullible Kenma did not expect for the man to pull the trigger and shoot him.

Perhaps, this Friday is different from all the other Fridays, and stupid and gullible Kenma did not see this one coming.

**Friday no. 16**

**Cause of death: shot in the head**

He wasn’t referring to Akaashi. He was referring to himself. And the most unexplainable thing happened.

Tomorrow came.

Except, Kenma wasn’t there for Akaashi anymore.

Kenma belatedly realizes that he was doing it wrong. He was the answer to all of this. Akaashi was never supposed to die–was never meant to die. Kenma was. And now, he’s gone.

He’s home.

☆

** May 17, 2021 – Saturday **

When Akaashi woke up the next day, he was alone and cold. It was as if he was missing something–something important. Yet, he cannot bring his finger up to it. Somehow as he pushed himself off the bed to turn off the blaring alarm, he stopped on his tracks. Was he supposed to say something? Why can he feel the words on the tip of his tongue? A _how are you_? Maybe a _how’d you sleep_? Or perhaps something less expressive, but loving nonetheless; perhaps a _good morning_. Perhaps, but he has no one to say it to.

The bed that was so warm the past year was suddenly so empty and sullen, and the worst thing was that Akaashi didn’t have any idea why. Something was off, he could tell, and it bothered him as he strolled lazily towards the kitchen to get himself coffee. And something pricked on his heart as he caught sight of a black, slightly worn out, leather bound notebook on the center of the kitchen counter.

And it was splattered with something that smelled akin to metallic. Akaashi didn’t know what it was and he possibly never will, but what he did know was that it triggered something in him; it made his heart pound loudly inside his chest. It triggered a memory.

 _“Stop fighting it, Ji.”_ A guy–a guy with a pair of golden eyes that it was as if Akaashi was staring directly at the stars–beside him, crying and it made his eyes gleam. _“We’ll wake up tomorrow like nothing happened, okay? I promise you that.”_ The guy was comforting him, but with what? What exactly did happen?

Akaashi felt something slipping away: his conscience, his thoughts, his goddamn life even, but he cannot get rid of the golden eyes that was appearing right before his own. _“I love you.”_

Then everything went black.

☆

Akaashi was outside his apartment’s balcony at 11:57 PM, just staring longingly into the starry night sky when his gaze stray and landed on the notebook perched on the round table. He hasn’t opened the notebook because he didn’t want to invade the owner’s privacy, and besides, Akaashi has no recollection of having this piece of item.

However, there was a bigger part of him that kept urging him to read it at least the last page, just to get a glimpse of who owns the notebook. And so he flipped it open and he turned to the back page. There were words, words that are written in a quick motion, almost an indecipherable scrawl. However, it contained emotions from the way there were pen stains, dried wet stains, the letters, the lines – they all contained emotions that even Akaashi could feel the sadness, the vulnerability, and the desperation coming from the notebook as it seeped into his own skin.

So, he read.

☆

_Dear gods above or to whoever placed this curse on us,_

_I don’t know why I’m writing you a letter. I even wished upon a star because I thought you would listen, but no, you didn’t. And that was really mean of you. However, I’m writing you a letter not because I’m wishing again. I’m here to make a request. A bargain–if ever you could see me from up there or wherever you are–just take this notebook and read, okay? I hope you do know how to read._

_I guess you’re aware that Keiji is my boyfriend. He means a lot to me, you know? I may have a hard time showing it to him because I was not born in a family that was brimming of love, but to Keiji, I will always be willing to shower him with it because he deserves it. Keiji deserves to be loved._

_I am immensely in love with Keiji that I will die for him._

_You must be laughing at how stupid a human could ever sacrifice his own life for his equal, but god or whoever you are, you would know. You would do the same if it meant saving your loved one. You would also do the same if it meant seeing them happy and alive, even if you’re no longer with them._

_He once told me he wanted to be a star when he dies. It was a silly thought, honestly, but the more I think about it, the more I wanted to be one too. We’ll be stars and nothing can come between us again. No deaths, no time loops._

_Whenever–if we ever get out of this time loop, please, make him forget. I don’t want the memories of his horrible deaths plaguing his mind all his life. It was enough that I had to witness it over and over again. Please, don’t make him go through that pain alone. Just please, make him forget._

_Make him forget and I’ll come home to you–in exchange that is. Take me instead of him. No discussions, no warnings. I’ll go._

_Just make him forget Friday._

_Sincerely,_

_Kenma Kozume_

☆

Akaashi’s eyes scan through the paper and the notebook slipped from his fingertips, falling on his lap. The page started to get stained with the tears that Akaashi almost didn’t recognize as his own. Was it okay to mourn over someone he could not even remember?

But, he wanted to remember. He badly needed to remember. He desperately needed to know him. _Kenma_. The name sounded new to his tongue, but his heart was saying otherwise. It was as if his mind could forget someone as selfless as him, but his heart couldn’t. His heart could never forget.

When he looked back up at the sky, he saw a star glow. And it illuminated the vast sky, putting the other stars into shame. It was flickering as if asking to be noticed.

Akaashi definitely knew.

It was Kenma.

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally written by my best friend, but we decided to turn it into an akaken fic and i had to rewrite this whole thing down. also, this was not proofread, so excuse me for any errors! i hope you liked this one. :)  
> [twt](https://www.twitter.com/biueberrycoke)


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